I was pregnant! It worked! There was so much joy, we couldn’t help but tell people. There was so much relief knowing that I was pregnant and thinking that life could finally start to move forward. We felt like we could finally, finally, finally exhale and just enjoy life. In some ways, life stayed the same because we just lived normally – except everything was better. We went to a movie, but it was better because I was pregnant. We went to church with joy for the first time in a long time because I was pregnant. We hung out with friends willingly, and we had fun because I was pregnant. We thought we finally, finally, FINALLY jumped over the hurdle, and we were so excited to run the rest of the race.
But then it ended.
We went in for an 8 week check-up to hear the heart-beat.  
There was no heartbeat.
I remember laying on the table and hearing the words the doctor was saying, and my entire body just went numb.  
And then it was time to get up, walk out the door, and leave.  
How does one get up when they get that news?
How does one put one foot in front of the other and walk past strangers to get to their car?
I don’t really know. I don’t really remember. I guess I put one foot in front of the other.
There was a lot of that for the next few months. We simply put one foot in front of the other, and we just went through the motions.
We went through the motions, but we were so raw, so broken, and I just felt so, so empty. We would sit on the couch in the evenings and try to make sense of it, but we couldn’t. We just hurt – we hurt together. We hurt separately. We just hurt.
And mostly I was angry.
I was so angry at God for bringing us so close and then just taking it away. I was so angry to be back where we had started. Actually – I felt miles back from where we started. While rationally, I knew that God loved me, I didn’t feel loved. I remember telling Seth (and I’m not proud of this) that I felt like God was giving me a middle finger, and I was giving it right back at Him.  
I’m sorry I can’t give any words of wisdom on how to get through this. There is so magic formula. But for us we just had to be sad. And angry.
And we just had to put one step in front of the other.  We had to go to work.  We had to celebrate the holidays.  And we had to take a break from thinking about it, so we agreed not to try and figure out our next step for a few months.  

We just had to be.