And finally we could start to talk about what we wanted to do next. These were hard conversations. There were so many tears. So many worries and fears. Should we do IVF again, should we look at adoption, or should we throw in the towel and just stop trying?
Well – we didn’t feel like we could throw in the towel. We still felt like God had it in His plan for us to be parents, but figuring out how was so, so hard. How do you balance what you feel like God is calling you to do, but then any step you take to follow that plan has been disastrous?
For the first time – Seth and I had different ideas on what we wanted to do. He leaned towards IVF. I wanted to look into adoption.
So we compromised. We decided to visit our doctor again, and we went to an adoption seminar.  
Adoption.  
We had talked about it before. Before any of this started, I always assumed that we would adopt someday. By this point, though, I thought God was clearly telling us that this was what we should do, so we better investigate it. I thought as soon as we went into the seminar, God would get us excited and start pulling at our heartstrings.

But He didn’t.
We both went into it with an open mind, but during that meeting, we both had the same feeling that this wasn’t it. This wasn’t what we were supposed to do. Why?  
I don’t know. But it was such a strong feeling from both of us, that we had to pull back from that too.
Adoption shouldn’t be something you go into grudgingly. It shouldn’t be a consolation prize. You should be over that moon excited about it and want it. Really want it. You should have a compelling sense of calling.
And we didn’t.
We were surprised. We thought we must be terribly selfish people, and we felt guilty. But that didn’t change the fact that we did not feel God leading us down that path.
We went around and around about all the options. It was exhausting to keep reconsidering and still have no plan. What to do when there are no good answers? Seth’s approach was to create an algorithm and generate a flowchart (nerd).  
First step – repeat IVF
I was terrified to do it again – I would cry just thinking about it. It wasn’t so much the process I was scared of (although it’s no picnic), but I was so afraid of it going badly again. I didn’t think my heart, my brain, my anything could handle it not going well. But we decided once more to trust our gut that this was the path God wanted us to do.    
Before we officially could sign up, I needed to do a few more tests to make sure everything was ready to go again. And wouldn’t you know it? My body didn’t heal correctly from the miscarriage. I needed to have another blasted surgery. So – surgery #3 was scheduled to not only clear up the scar tissue from the miscarriage, but also to clear everything up again from the endometriosis.  
April 1st, 2014 – the day of the surgery – the surgery that changed everything.