As I look back on these particular months of my life (April – June 2014), so many things happened that it’s hard for me to wrap my head around it, but I’ll try.
Yes, my body was healing from the surgery, but really – God was working on my mind and heart, too. I wasn’t necessarily asking Him to do this (I still was mostly just angry), but He did it anyways.
It began simply – with a quote from a book I was reading. It was a fluffy book (because that was all I could handle), cute, sweet, with a guaranteed happy ending. In the midst of the book, though, a main character is going through some struggles, and she gives herself a pep-talk saying,
“I have faith in my own rising action.”  
When I read it, I had to read it again. And again. And I just stared at the page and started crying. Because that’s what I needed. I had to have faith that there was purpose to all of this. There had to be a reason. It all had to be pointing to SOME.THING.  
I love that God used this quote, of all quotes, to start healing my heart. Doesn’t it just show how well He knows me? I’m a book-lover, English major, and a 12 year Language Arts teacher. If there is one thing I connect to, it’s the power of story. I can’t tell you how many lessons I taught on story-structure and how all the complications in the story point towards the climax – that’s there is purpose to all the struggle. 
And for the first time – I began to see my struggles in the same way. 
It wasn’t all better. But by believing that – by having faith in my rising action – I started to strengthen my faith that God was in control of it and also let me have faith that he hadn’t abandoned me – that He wasn’t simply giving me a big ol middle finger. I began to trust that even though the outcome may not be what we wanted, God was still doing His work in my life. So….thank you Rainbow Rowell and your delightful book, “Attachments” for helping me trust that there was purpose in my struggles and that my Author not only knew what He was doing, but He also loved me.
What else was happening during this time? We paid for another round of IVF (you pay in advance). The nurse also told me to call in May and she would let me know when to start birth control. Sounds strange, but the month before you do IVF, you have to go on birth control so that you body “zeros out.” I called in May, and she looked at the dates. She thought for a bit, and she said, “You know? We have some time, you could wait another month to start birth control if you want to, or you could start now if you want.”
“I guess I’ll wait a month,” I responded.
I think about that split-second decision a lot. That’s not normally me. I normally would have said, “No let’s start the medicine, so I’m sure that I’m squared away and ready to go – one less thing to worry about, right?”
Why did I say I would wait a month? There was no thought put into it. They were simply the words that came out of my mouth.  
But that split second decision changed my life.