I started to feel funny.  
I started to feel hungry and not-hungry at the same time.
I started to have some weird heartburn.
These feelings felt familiar. These were all symptoms I had previously before the miscarriage.  
No. Don’t be crazy, Maygann. It’s nothing.
I started to have to go to the bathroom all the time.  
I looked at the calendar – two days late. Ok. That doesn’t really mean anything – that has happened plenty of times and meant nothing. Stop it. Don’t think about it.
I had coffee with a friend and started crying for no reason.
It’s just the end of the year stress that I always feel. Geesh, Maygann – get a grip.
5 days late.  
I had convinced myself that something was wrong. Seth and I were going out of the country in 2 days, and I needed to start some medication, take some with me, and have the rest ready to go for when we returned, so we could do IVF when we got back. Starting the meds, much less permission to buy the meds, could only begin after my period started, so I was getting really worried that something else in my body was wrong and would mess up our plans to do IVF when we wanted. Because it couldn’t be the other thing. The pregnant thing. No. That’s impossible. Way more likely that my body is messed up again.  
June 11, 2014. It was about 8:30 at night. I was sitting on the porch with our dog, Lucy. I had finished my last meetings at school, and I was officially on summer break. Seth just got home from a meeting at church, and he joined me on the porch.
I started telling him what I have been feeling lately, and he listened. I could see the doctor side of his brain struggle with the human side of his brain as he said . . . “Well. . . Maybe it’s not something wrong. It could be something right.”  
We agreed we would sleep on it, and we would go get a pregnancy test in the morning if nothing changed. Seth had a lot of work to do that night, so we were just going to try and not think about it until morning.  
Seth tried to get work done. I tried to read a book. I noticed him just shaking his head, standing up, and saying – “Whatever, I’m not getting any work done. I’m going to run out and get you a test.” (Best. Husband. Ever.)
As he was gone, I tried to read my book again. But mostly I just stared at the ceiling fan spin around and around. And I could feel the hope start to flicker. And that scared me more than anything.
But then he came home. And I took the test. And it turned positive immediately.  
No. more. waiting.
And there lies one of the sweetest moments of my life. What was our reaction? Did we cry? Did we laugh? Did we stare at each other dumbfounded?  
Yes, yes, and yes.
We couldn’t believe it. We couldn’t believe that I was pregnant, and we couldn’t believe that God managed to surprise us. For the past four years – this was seemingly all we thought about. 3 surgeries, 1 miscarriage, countless procedures, thousands of dollars in medication and treatments, and the ONE month we weren’t thinking about it . . . Surprise!!!! Now, I realize this will sound really annoying to anyone going through infertility. When people would tell me stories about people who got pregnant right before IVF or right as they started adoption process, I got SO. ANNOYED. It makes it seem like all you have to do is make that one last ditch effort and voila! All your problems are solved. People would tell me these stories to encourage me, but I mostly just got frustrated because those stories had nothing to do with me. Someone else’s experiences had no bearing on what would happen to me.  
So I laughed. We laughed. We laughed and laughed and laughed that this is what happened to us.
And so while this was an amazing moment for us, I recognize that it may be hard for some of you to read. I get it. It’s hard when people we walk the infertility road with get pregnant, and we don’t. I have been there. Right after my miscarriage, two of my dear friends who also struggled with fertility got pregnant. While I was so happy for them, I was so, so, so sad to be left behind. I knew that they would still be there for me – that their support for me was unchanged. But still – everything was different because I was still on the road on my own. So – for those of you who are still struggling with this, I hope you’ll keep reading. Yes – the next few posts will have a bit of gushing in it about my son – and I’m not sorry about that. However, you’ll see soon that we still had some hard questions to answer, that God wasn’t done teaching us things, and it’s still been a struggle to figure out what His will is for us.
But for now. This moment. This was amazing moment. And we literally got down on our knees and thanked God.
The next day, I called the IVF clinic and said we were going to need our money back. 🙂 They happily refunded us.
*** One more thing to note, the week that I found out I was pregnant was the very week the baby I had miscarried was due. I stand in awe of that. I firmly believe that this was God assuring me that He loved me, he hadn’t abandoned me, and that He was in control. Of everything. ***